Feelings…

Feeling really odd the last week. Trying to keep perspective on things, but just strange feeling. Anxiety I guess.

There’s this biorhythm thing that divides the year up basically into 4 quadrants. at the center of each quadrant is a spike. one spike is your birthday, another is opposite your birthday. think of general, undulating, yet uneventful terrain, then a mountain in the center. it’s about a week up one side, and a week back down to level ground (metaphorically speaking). these two mountains/spikes are suppose to be when one feels most morbid/blue/out-of-sorts. For me that’s August.26th (my birthday), and February.26th (opposite)(It’s also James’ birthday/24th). So, I’m trying to keep that in mind. Over the years (since I’ve heard about it), it’s proven to be pretty true. The other quadrants also have spike, but they’re opposite feelings of elation, joy, peace, creativity, optimism. For me these are Nov.26th & May.26th.

Just thought I’d put that out there.

Still, weird feeling….

Feel like lots of things are slipping off my plate. I’m getting a lot done,esp. on the house. Doing lots of finishing up on the trim, painting James’ mural, finished the closet, and went through all his toys, and clothes to get rid of old stuff. Built him a sandbox for his birthday. Painted some outside, cleaning up the outside, staying  on top of cleaning. Did some mudding, drywall, painting. You think all that would give me some sense of satisfaction & accomplishment, but it’s slight. I feel sketchy, and scattered. I have jolts of energy when I’m going all out, then it fizzles into fogginess. Sorta manic I guess. Not a nice, even energy. Lots of “impending doom” feelings. On top of that…hearing others here & there, more frequently…going on about 2012, gas shortages, food crisis’, earth changes, etc. Seems everyone feels something on the horizon. Maybe that’s bothering me a lot more then I realize, now…as a mom…with a little one to protect & care for. It’s super-stressing, and something I’m not really wanting to think about…………….all the bad stuff.

I’m okay if I’m keeping myself distracted, but moments throughout the night…I’m waking up feeling jostled, and odd. Some part of me feels….frantic. I don’t like it at all. If I get up and get back to some chore or task, I’m okay. Sorta fades away, but….something I need to sit down and examine, rather then just keep sweeping it under the carpet.

Anyway….guess I’ll head back to bed and try to unwind.  :Weary:

 

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