My Holistic Quest Journal

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[bar width=”1%”] 90 Day Smoothie ( 1% ) [/bar] [bar width=”1%”] Weight Loss ( 1% of 60lbs ) [/bar] [bar width=”60%”] Current Motivation Level ( 60% ) [/bar]

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[tabs_head] [tab id=”tab1″] Stats [/tab] [tab id=”tab2″] Daily Protocol [/tab] [tab id=”tab3″] Symptoms Going In [/tab] [tab id=”tab4″] Intention [/tab] [/tabs_head]

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[tab_data id=”content1″] [text]

Starting Date: November. 21st. 2013
Starting Weight: ___________

GOAL: Anything is better than this!

Starting Measurements
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Bust:[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Waist:[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Hips:[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Thighs Avg:[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Arms Avg:[/list_item] [/list]

Quests

[list class=”square”] [list_item] 90 Day Raw Smoothie Fast (started 12/26/2013)(end: 03/27/2014)[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Bowel/Colon Cleanse (start 12/26/2013)[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Parasite Cleanse (start 01/04/2013 – 02/03/2014)[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Kidney Cleanse (start 01/19/2014 )[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Liver/Gallbladder Cleanse (02/01/2014)[/list_item] [/list]
[/text] [/tab_data]

[tab_data id=”content2″] [text]
AM:
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Large glass of APC (apple cider vinegar) water = 2 a day[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] P&B Shake (bentonite & psyllium husk) = 1 a day[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Smoothie (raw milk, raw egg, greens, berries, bananas, turmeric, flax, chia, fresh ginger, dates, nuts/seeds (soaked)) = 3 a day[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Kombucha or Water Kefir = 2 a day[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Ozonated Water = 4 litres a day[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Supplements = Cod Liver Oil (), Iodine (),[/list_item] [/list]

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[tab_data id=”content3″] [text] [dropcap color=”color”] W [/dropcap]eight of course is a big factor. I’ve never had a healthy opinion of myself physically, and that has affected my overall self-esteem. The word “fat” came with with school, and reinforced by my parents – around age 6. Something I pretty much heard on a daily basis. I didn’t think I was fat at first. I didn’t understand it. Somewhere I accepted it – owned it – and it very much became a part of who I thought I was. My whole world closed in on me – more and more, as time went on. I stayed in the background – never venturing forward. Bcuz of ridicule? Idk. Fat is a fucked up thing. A lack of wisdom at a young age + my environment – led to me step into that role, that model – and function within it…rather than fight it. I was fighting too many other things at the time. I wouldn’t say fat became a security blanket for me – more – it gave me a legitimate reason to HATE myself, which I did with a passion for a VERY long time!! It gave me a reason to distance myself, and push people away. It was my reason to give up on this on that.

My entire life I’ve believed myself obese. when I wasn’t. Now I am. I moved FULLY into this role – and it’s ridiculously useless, old, and tired. Now I have the wisdom to know better. Now, I’m also 45 – and?? Well – it’s difficult to see after all this time what I’ve done to myself. To accept that – forgive myself – work my way out of it. Losing the weight seems much easier, then accepting the fact that I put myself in this position for so fucking long! I have nothing against other people that are over-weight. The whole social stigma attached to weight is absurd. My issue is with myself – and really not so much about weight – as BETRAYING myself!!! This is not who I am. It limits me. I’m tired of being limited in any way, shape, or form. Thus – it has to change. I have to change.

I could easily say – I want to lose to at least 60 lbs. But, it’s not a numbers game. I’ll be happy to lose any amount of weight – as long as I’m feeling more, doing more, stepping (day by day) out of this costume that impedes!

OTHER SYMPTOMS ATM

Physical:
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Lower back pain, neck and shoulder pain[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Eyes not 100%[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Foggy headed[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] No stamina, tired[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Immune system not 100%[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] In general: Out of shape!![/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Mouth health is another big issue for me – mostly, understanding that it has great impact on my health, secondly for self-esteem issues – but, can’t afford to do anything about it at the moment, which is super-frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!![/list_item] [/list]

Mental & Emotional:
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Ungrounded, out of balance[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Defeatist, narrow-minded when it comes to myself[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Guilt, resentment issues[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Dependency issues, abandonment issues[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Worthiness issues[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Commitment issues[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Blocks, barriers[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Fragments that like to take turns being in control – Lacking integration and overall control[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Financially destitute (why?)[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Not where I want to be (why?)[/list_item] [/list]
[list class=”square”] [list_item] Otherwise – everything’s great ;)[/list_item] [/list]
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I’m not so good with one or two little changes. It seems best for me to go all in, and regulate myself more. Only bcuz it’s easier for me to stay on track. I’m always doing some sort of “work” on myself, but most of it for the last decade or so, has been mental, emotional, and spiritual. I’ve totally ignored physical, although my eating habits are ‘health conscious’…that’s the big one…physical work. No more messing about with that. At 45 my intention is no longer “perfection” (something that seriously threw me off in the past). I want a lighter, more flexible, able body – free from pain, trauma, and as many toxins as possible*. A body that radiates more who I am (holistically)…a body that can handle all the work I still have yet to do.

I’m still smoking. Something that’s proven super difficult to give up. I’m starting in from a different angle. As I get everything else flowing, cleaned out, working more efficiently – along with energy work – I’ll uncover what my true dependency is on smoking, and hopefully the sum of all the healthier parts will (gently and easily) allow me to lay them down once and for all. Whoever feels the need to give me a hard time about smoking – is free to do that. I know it’s hugely hypocritical of me. I’m not hiding that, and I’m not focusing on it. I will agree it doesn’t make any sense.

Here’s to 2014 – and lots of healthy workship!!

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