Got a few items yesterday….to help with staying organized. Not really ‘feeling it’. In the past….I’ve been able to convince myself that there was some new method that would work wonders to kick my ass in gear on things. Like, new school supplies! Anyone remember that? Ah…..when it was easy for me to trust that reams of crisp paper, clean binders, duo-tangs (?), divider tabs……would catapult me to success as a student. Hmm. I think that’s where the belief may have started? From there it shifts….some people thinking the more cleaning supplies and gadgets they have…the easier it will be to keep the house clean. The more beauty supplies on hand…the easier to work on gorgeousness. The more technology one is surrounded by…the easier to stay on the ball.

There’s two detrimental thought processes going on here 1) That there’s always things to ADDED to ones life to make things easier. and 2) That things are RIGHT in the moment, where we’re at. The BETTER is always a point further down the road somewhere. The problem with that for me….is that I have a terrible belief solidified in my head, where I tend to PUT THINGS OFF UNTIL THE TIME & SITUATION IS RIGHT. And…..that never manifests to the IDEALS that I have set in my mind. I know it’s a programmed belief….mere conditioning from the world around me, but it’s a hard one to de-program from!!! What I’ve had to do instead….is change my ideals. Maybe it was my mom’s collection of Architectural Digest magazines, but it my ideals as a child where unrealistically high! Compound that with a teenage girls ideas about being beautiful…..remembering that this back in the 80s when there was no room for flaws, fat, or failure. There were no punks, grunge, nerds, emo’s. There was HOT or NOT. One was either popular, or…………a complete REJECT. LOL. Times were tough if you’re hair didn’t feather just right, or you couldn’t fit into standard jeans. I think the largest size back then was size 12, and was NOTHING to be proud of! I think I was size 12, when I was 12. I never fit the bill, or the painted on satin jeans! And I carried around this huge weight of disgust and self-loathing for myself for……..God knows how long? Too long! I rebelled into different things, as un-perfect people do. Thank God for arts, and crafts, and nature…..the things that keep us grounded in ourselves.

I’m rambling, but…….PERFECTION is a twisted game with no winners. Don’t underestimate it’s power of distruction, and……….if you have children….be extra cautious of how you might be programming long-term shit into their precious, unconditional minds!!! I had to lecture Aunt Beth yesterday on something she was playing with James….asking him to pick his “favorite” hot wheels car out of pile. He’s 21-months…and call me anal, but…..I saw it as detrimental. Beth thinks I’m crazy. I can’t even explain it, but……picking a FAVORITE has a lot tied up in it. It starts one down an entirely different road of thinking! It works on developing the EGO, and that’s not something that needs any reinforcement. In my humble opinion. Toys are toys, food is food, transportation is transportation, friends are friends…..playing “favorites” gets in the way. I don’t support the process of sitting in ones mind….weighing out which friend is better then the others! Does that make any sense??? It’s just an example of how dangerous everyday processes can be, especially where children are concerned. As programmed adults, it’s super hard for us to see we’re pre-programming our children. Maybe I’m being overly cautious, and this will end up biting me in the ass? I have to be super-conscious though. I don’t want James’ wasting the time I did………….setting himself up with IDEALS, which is actually setting ones self up for FAILURE….since perfection is unattainable. Blah, blah, blah.

My ideal now….not broken, but reduced severely………..is lots of quality time available for James and I to be present together, play, and explore, and grow. That involves some super, downsized lifestyle, with a minimal amount of material stuff in the way. I call it IKEA-syndrome. I love those tiny, little show spaces in IKEA……where everything is laid out perfectly (there’s that thought again). The spaces are thoughtful, and artistic….simple, and flowing. A box with just the right amount of stuff to deal with. I’m kidding myself that it all wouldn’t still be upside down at James’ hands. Still, I find myself seriously attracted to the idea of 4 plates, 4 bowls, 4 knives, and spoons, etc. The minimal amount of nice, neat stuff…..with adequate storage!

I’m not the only one this appeals to, am I? 4 little place-mats, in a drawer with nice candle sticks, and beeswax tapers. Perfectly level-smooth floors, and a steam mop. Healthy plants, a vase of fresh flowers. Some beautiful, utilitarian pottery, the perfect salad bowl. One television, one dvd player, a luxurious set of bath towels. And…………..like, that’s it. Pretty much. Okay…..there’s probably some Martha Stewart magazine mania showing through here. What would these spaces look like after an intense craft project, or after James got to the couch with his magic makers? Would it really be easier in a tiny space? Or, would be hell?? Total cabin fever, and tripping over stuff? My other ideal is an RV. Having the same minimalistic lifestyle, but MOBILE. Would it get any better/worse then that? I love the idea of never having to pack or unpack again! Just turn the key and go to some other fresh location!! Keep the energy moving….bugout when things get hectic or static. 

I’m not really for the idea of living in a BOX, but…..if that’s the common option….IKEA has the tools for doing it right. Or, it’s the inspiration anyway. I love this photo with the 20′x20′ cardboard apartment box! I think IKEA should actually sell these…..insulated, and weather-proof!! Have it delivered, dropped off the back of a truck, and move right in. Stack them up, or spread them around like Legos. And……………they should cost $5000. No more!  Ready to plug into the grid, or with solar panels, and composting or incinerating toilet!!!!

Which leads to a new post…………..the IDEAL that closest to my HEART (and has absolutely nothing to do with boxes at all)!!!!!

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