I have a dozen posts I've written over the last couple of weeks. I write 90% of the post, then throw up my hands in frustration. No one's going to get it. It's too long, there's no point, it's not well thought out...people are just gonna turn off.
I feel more driven then ever to get some sorta message across, but what exactly the message is, I'm not sure. Or rather....it's too vague a message, too all encompassing. But the drive isn't going away...so, I keep coming here with ideas, starting out good....then retreating back, leaving this place in limbo. I don't want to post fluff. I'm not fluffy. I'm a rambler, but...I'd at least like to spend my time writing something people can read. Something of benefit. I'm frustrated atm.
I know it's my own frustration in myself, that I'm projecting....with urge lately to spiritually kick everyone in the ass. Kick them into the deep end, and scream...."swim bitch!" Hopefully that adds a like salve. Either way...I know I get too deep, too mystical....my ideals are severe. So, that's also a reason I've shelving my posts. I can't sum it up in a paragraph or two, and after a page or so...it starts to sound like manipulative bullshit. Like I have some agenda....I'm down on everyone, and everything. I wind up making it sound like everyone is grossly flawed, and that doesn't really capture a reader, does it? I know my perspective is jaded to a certain a degree, but I have such reluctance to go the new-age, light & love route....giving out hugs and spreading the joy in being. Can I say I'm too much of a realist to push that?? Is it wrong to believe that everyone needs a hard slap in the face to wake up? LOL.......it's not really that either. It's just we've all gotten so damn soft. I feel I can't say anything. I'm not out to impress anyone, gain friends, or influence the masses. I just want to be as honest as I can.
I don't know what I want to accomplish with this blog/online. It's really weird. It's definitely a love-hate thing. I want to post in the moment, and by the time I get it out....it's old, tired. It's stuff I've gone over a million times in my head, over the last few decades. It's crazy. I have a computer that no one earth could afford. We've all got one. It's completely mobile, processes beyond the speed of light, with unlimited hard-drive, and all off-grid. And........it's stuck behind this cheap-ass laptop. And that............exactly sums up what I'm pissed off about when it comes to everything on this planet (artificially speaking)! That's what I don't get. I'll never get! No one will ever convince me is sound, workable, acceptable, great. We're all limiting ourselves to this matrix, and in so doing......giving away all our power and awesomeness. And, people want to argue that fact with me.
See....................here I go again.....on a tirade! So, before I get to the point of thinking this is all a huge waste of time....I'm going to post this.