Strange (different) Out-of-Sortedness…

On the midst of moving shortly…hopefully within the week. I was avoiding it, but now it seems time for a energy change on many levels. I loath moving! Strange for a Gypsy…I know, but at heart I”m really a Nester! Moving stresses me out. But, the end product is always good…a new chapter, a new perspective, a new space, etc. And…it”s not like I have a lot to drag around. No furniture to speak of…just a stool I hand-painted that I really love & want to keep with me. At some point I”ll post a picture of it…it really is the most beautiful, bestest, old stool ever.\r\n\r\nMostly it”s all arts & crafts supplies & product that I have to load up & cart….but only across town. Not too bad. Anyway…moving is just part of it. A logical part. The rest I”m not sure about. It still fits in with that theme of being okay, and not. It”s more divided down the middle then I can ever remember, but that”s good since in the past it was usually all piled up on the…”Oh woe is me” side. Where despite my optimism…things always felt, somehow…doomed. Dramatics maybe?!? Now it”s very different, where most may not notice. Part of it is twisted up in a state of constant, dull anxiety…but beneath that there is resolve. An easy, natural, simple calmness that is slowly beginning to over-ride the rest…rising like the full & fertile spring-tide.\r\n\r\nI feel the day to day stress; the frustration, the illogicalness of the sum of things, but no longer does it bubble up inside me, and erupt into melt-down mode….where I lose grip on myself. It is somehow being short-circuited. Something beyond my knowledge is regulating my energy, my emotions are being kept at a distance…too far to go and find. I”m looking to find a reason for it…something simple, like making more money, or feeling more secure…but there”s nothing like that. I haven”t fallen in love where the world has shifted into rosy-hue. I haven”t reached any goals that would lead me to easing up on myself. It”s all the same-old, same-old, and then again it”s not!\r\n\r\nIt”s been a long time since “answers” concerned me; since I needed it all to make sense…despite it never having made any! Before, maybe it was more something I had to ”accept”…with lack of elder-wisdom, and guidance. Lack of those about me…who could “see” clearly, and aid me in developing my own self-sufficiency and understanding. Now, it”s not even a concern…this “lack of things”. It”s so beyond that…that I wonder what “that” was? Nothing may be in place for me on a material level, but it very much feels like everything is in place on another level. Or…near about everything. It”s all coming into alignment…and not in that new-age sense. This is huge. Infinite. And…..there”s no arguing with it. No confusion. No comments necessary on my part. I”m riding in my tiny boat…being swept out to sea…into something far beyond, and there is no fear there. I”m drifting out of fear. I”m drifting out, away from the old paradigm of things….to the new world.

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