I know I have baggage...physical & emotional. That's the stuff that constantly makes up the bulk of my "to-do list". But, it's the unconscious items that work to make themselves known to me. What's below the surface that I don't see or think of day-in-day-out. The things that start out as a quiet, whisper...then grow to a dull, groan...then eventually turn into outright howls, and physical manifestations...into physical ailments I can no longer ignore. It's the process of things, not a flaw or failure on my part. Just the way things work. It's impossible to have 'everything' front and center...to be on top of it 'all'! We can't be wonder-women...every minute of everyday. And, even when we try...it's usually "self" that's at the bottom of the list.
It doesn't matter. All of it combined...every, single, second of everyday...in total...it isn't about the sum of it all. It's about process. Mistakes are way of learning and growing. We forget, so we'll remember...tomorrow. We stumble, so our eyes become more open to all that surrounds us. The point is that we keep going. We might burn dinner tonight, but we attempt again and again. It's through a constant demonstration of ourselves, creatively...that we live. That we insist we're alive. And all the rest doesn't matter. It's not through measuring and weighing ourselves...that we are found fit. It's through our intention to keep going. Through our creative-resonance! So, we are in sync with the flow of it all! Healthy and alive!
Today I forgive myself for all the little mistakes that don't mean anything. Forgive myself for the shit that's not important...that I always grab hold of like it is...when I know deep down it isn't! Today I embrace my goofy, nerdy, geeky, loser side!!! Today I secretly choose to LOVE MYSELF AS IS! Love my weight, my face, my hair, my poverty, my situation...all of it! To day I'm thankful to all my little aches and pains, every glitch, every mishap. I see past the immediateness of it, and understand it's language! That it's ME REMINDING ME of my grand total! Of all that I am. Of who I really am! Spiritually larger............HUGE (in love)! For each person that steals my parking space, closes a door in my face, drinks the last of the juice, drops their junk at the front door for me to take care of...for each rotten vegetable in the fridge I didn't get around to using, to each time I'm not acknowledged when I speak, for every time I'm over-looked. For every single thing that I reach for...pretending that I'm not important in the scheme of things, or that there's some secret conspiracy against me, and all I work for......................I LET THAT GO AND FORGIVE! I FORGIVE! I FORGIVE! I FORGIVE!!! Bcuz my understanding is higher then that. I am not connected to the small, menial stuff. I am not defined by the mistakes or the mis-understandings. I WILL NOT ATTACH MYSELF TO ALL THAT ISN'T WORKING - DOESN'T WORK. ONLY TO ALL THAT IS WORKING! And, in essence....everything "works" in it's own way!
TODAY I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE FREE TO BE ME! AND NOT WASTE MY TIME (for the benefit of others) PRETENDING I'M LESS!